1. Puking will only occur in the dead of night, and only on nights when you most need rest.
2. Your kid will inexplicably feel the need to run to your room and announce they’re going to puke instead of just GOING TO THE F-ING BATHROOM.
3. You will surprise yourself at how quickly you wake from a deep, peaceful sleep to urgently yell at them to GO TO THE F-ING BATHROOM.
4. They’ll never make it to the bathroom.