This is why I should’ve settled for the possum

If you follow me on Facebook, you may have seen that we recently found our Siamese cat who had been missing for over a month. She was way across town in a neighborhood so far from ours it took me 20 minutes to get there by car. (I should also note that our cat chose a significantly fancier neighborhood than ours to run away to- a fact which I’m trying and failing not to take personally). In my mind the whole thing was nothing short of a miracle, which I have continously pointed out to my much more level-headed husband since getting the cat back last week.

Me: I hadn’t been to that part of town in months. MONTHS! And the day I’m up there for an appointment- BAM- our kitty appears at that lady’s house IN THE SAME NEIGHBORHOOD AS MY APPOINTMENT! She totally heard my voice or sensed my presence or something. IT’S A GODDAMNED MIRACLE!!!

Hubs: Um yeah, it’s cool, I don’t know.

 

Here’s a breakdown of the events leading to The Miracle:

September 10: Kitty goes missing a week before my birthday. How could she do this to me.

September- October: Search neighborhood, (but wrong one apparently, as we didn’t know kitty was upward bound), post lost cat notices everywhere, lots of crying, receive hate mail and shaming posts demanding to know how we could have been so cruel to our cat as to have lost her, more crying, more searching, no miracles. Hope officially given up.

October 12: Lady posts picture of Siamese cat hanging around her place that seems hungry, scared, and not afraid of people. Husband immediately dismisses idea of cat being ours, as sighting was in fancy schmancy neighborhood far from home. Kids and I ignore husband and dance around excitedly.

 
 
October 12, later: 10-year-old, 4-year-old, and I walk the dry creek bed behind lady’s house, calling out kitty’s name. Only find an old mattress and a few curious squirrels. All return home crying, hopes dashed. Little did we know, The Miracle was in the works, as kitty almost certainly heard us but stayed hidden so as to build suspense. Well played.

October 14: Lady says cat is back and sends me live footage of Siamese eating on her porch. I freak out and begin crying (again) because oh my gosh, that’s her!! How could that be her?! Husband remains skeptical and won’t participate in the jumping up and down. Hmph.

October 14, later: Run several old ladies over in attempt to reach rescue lady’s house quickly. Cat is still there, is definitely ours (MIRACLE!!!), but doesn’t remember she’s ours and runs away. Make plan with rescue lady to set a trap the next day.

October 15: Google ‘What the hell do cat traps look like? Are there condemned mice involved?” 

October 16: Fall further down cat trap wormhole, quickly becoming admin of a humane cat trap advocate group. Spend day schooling the noobs on different types of traps. Pfft…this stuff should be obvious to anyone with an ounce of sense. Own cat is still living the high life in her “old-money rich” neighborhood and hasn’t fallen for trap. Yet. Suspense continues to increase.

October 17: Trap has caught a possum. Spend morning trying to convince kids to spray paint it white and call it a day. They refuse because they’re sentimental fools.

 

October 17, later: Receive ecstatic phone call from rescue lady, saying “WE GOT HER!!”. Miracle is badly-timed, as is kids’ bedtime, but no matter. MIRACLE!!! Pile 3 kids resembling wiggly puppies into car and head across town. Collect enitrely-freaked out cat. Receive several texts from Mom, questioning identity of “that cat you think is yours.” WHY AM I SURROUNDED BY CYNICS??

October 18-present: Bask in the miraculously miraculous glow of The Miracle. Also clean cat poop and pee off floor repeatedly, as cat has lost abillity to use litter box in process of becoming divine. Debate possum option again.

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