|Look, I’m feeling salty, so I’m just going to jump right in by giving you a running list of things I never want to hear again:|
1. Commercials with soft piano background music and a concerned™ narrator
“In these unprecedented times,” “now more than ever,” “we’re in this together”- all those phrases can take a hike.
2. White House coronavirus press briefings
No explanation needed.
3. My daughter asking if we can get a dog
I said “I’ll think about it.” If after 11 years on this earth you still haven’t figured out that’s Mom for “no,” I don’t know what to tell you.
Even if you don’t live in Texas, you’ve probably heard about our Senate candidate, Beto O’Rourke: state rep, skateboarder, former punk band member, and all around dreamboat. Continue reading “8 Things That Will Definitely Happen When You Block Walk For A Democratic Candidate In Texas”
Let’s face it: clickbait headlines are everywhere these days. Much like a virus, they’re unavoidable, they’re sneaky, and they leave you feeling icky inside. Imagine then, if you will, if some of history’s most famous “headlines” had been written as clickbait.
Ew. I need a shower already.
Dear Brock Turner,
I imagine you must be feeling a little nervous after having been released from jail today. And with good reason; you served only half of a sentence that already fell woefully short of what any decent person would consider acceptable after the truly reprehensible crime you committed. Others have served longer literally for shoplifting hot dogs.