I spend a lot of time in parking lots these days. Not in a creepy way, but in a “if I don’t get out of this goddamn house and away from these goddamn people I’m going to lose my goddamn mind.” Okay, so it’s kind of creepy, too.Continue reading “Stalking cat walkers for fun”
What day is this? Where are we? Who are you people?
I only ask because I’ve mentally and physically aged 241 years. In the last week.
Is anyone else just, you know, completely over this whole “watching history in the making” thing?
I feel like I could be partly to blame here because growing up, I wanted to know what it was like to live through WWII or the civil rights movement or the first season of Dallas. And now, in some horrible ironic monkey paw-esque scenario, my wish has been granted, but it bears no resemblance to the simplistic, naive desire that led me to this place.Continue reading “Turns out living through history is exhausting”
Parenting is impossible right now, but maybe the kids will be okay if you get every critical decision right. Do you have what it takes? Take this quiz to find out!
Scenario 1: School time! To decide what to do with your kids, you need to check CDC recommendations, monitor local hospitalization rates, and consult your yoga teacher’s tarot cards. Don’t forget to screen all advice for political bias. You can…Continue reading “QUIZ: Can You Ace Pandemic Parenting?”
|Look, I’m feeling salty, so I’m just going to jump right in by giving you a running list of things I never want to hear again:|
1. Commercials with soft piano background music and a concerned™ narrator
“In these unprecedented times,” “now more than ever,” “we’re in this together”- all those phrases can take a hike.
2. White House coronavirus press briefings
No explanation needed.
3. My daughter asking if we can get a dog
I said “I’ll think about it.” If after 11 years on this earth you still haven’t figured out that’s Mom for “no,” I don’t know what to tell you.
You may remember the miracle I relayed to you a few months ago, in which our long-lost Siamese cat was found across town, subsequently trapped, and returned to us to my elation and my husband’s…let’s call it optimistic skepticism. Well, here’s an update for you: I’m 87% sure we got the wrong cat. I’m not ready to talk about it, but I can no longer deny the comedic farce that has devolved from this entire debacle.Continue reading “Imposter’s syndrome for cats”