Before the show last night I put on a new wig cap so tight I could barely fit it on my head. I took it off, tried unsuccessfully to stretch it out, and somehow got it back on along with my wig, having run out of time to fool with it anymore.Continue reading “When hair accessories try to slowly murder you”
This piece originally appeared on MockMom.
Hi, kids! I’m Pistol Pete, the new mascot here at Sunnyside Elementary. I may look like a scary semi-automatic weapon, but don’t worry, I’m here to keep you safe and sound! Sure, it feels strange seeing a gun in your school—that used to be a no-no! But we’ll be seeing a lot more of each other since district policy now requires me to be carried by your teachers, principal, cafeteria workers, janitors, and a variety of community volunteers.Continue reading “An Important Message from Pistol Pete, Your Kid’s New School Mascot”
Like, oh roughly, 99% of the country right now, I’ve jumped on the Marie Kondo bandwagon. Actually that’s a lie. I haven’t watched a single episode, but I caught the gist from the preview on my way to watch Lady Dynamite.
Anyhoo, the important thing is I’ve made a life-altering decision based on a 30 second clip and the siren song of the latest trend sweeping its way through cluttered homes everywhere: I’m about to Marie Kondo my life. I’m serious, if something isn’t sparking immediate joy, that ish is on its way to the proverbial Goodwill.Continue reading “I’m about to Marie Kondo my life”
Time Life presents Sounds From A “Peaceful” Sunday Morning Hike With Your Kids.
You came here for timeless classics like:
Let’s face it: clickbait headlines are everywhere these days. Much like a virus, they’re unavoidable, they’re sneaky, and they leave you feeling icky inside. Imagine then, if you will, if some of history’s most famous “headlines” had been written as clickbait.
Ew. I need a shower already.
1. Puking will only occur in the dead of night, and only on nights when you most need rest.
The amazing reaction to this post- and the prospect of making a little scratch- inspired me to slap a few of these phrases onto some mugs and T-shirts. Get yours here!
I LOVE this new shirt I bought, but I’m not crazy about the phrase on it, (Trust The Universe ), so I’m going to make a line of workout clothes with more Leslie-like platitudes.
Here’s a working list: